We see winners and hear about winners everyday. Some of us have been blessed to be a around winners, compete against winners, and even coach players to become winners.
As we spend time talking with people in business and sports, many times the dialog turns to what makes that VP a winner, a player, or that coach a winner.
But many times I stop and think about the person in our family or the volunteer at the local charity that is viewed as a winner. What makes them a winner and how do they win with other people?
John Maxwell and Les Parrott suggest we start with ourselves.
Start With Yourself
If we don’t form a winning character, we are sure to lose with other people. That’s why this first step is so significant. In fact, there are at least two compelling reasons why winning with people hinges on starting with yourself.
You Can’t Be Happy Without Being Healthy
Psychology used to think it was critical to focus on—and then eliminate—negative emotions. We now know there is a better way. A new generation of research has shifted psychology’s primary analysis from that of misery to an understanding of wellness.
The new research reveals that you can’t be happy simply by being unencumbered by depression, stress, or anxiety. No—you can’t be happy unless you are healthy. And there’s a lot more to health than not being sick. Emotional health is more than the absence of dysfunctional emotions. Emotional health is at the center of winning with people.
You Can’t Give What You Don’t Have
One of the oldest psychological truisms in the world is that you cannot give what you do not have. Why? You cannot enjoy others until you enjoy yourself.
“You get the best of others when you give the best of yourself.” — Harry Firestone
So true. But if the best you have isn’t any better than what those others already possess, you’ll never take them any higher than they already are.
The bottom line? If you are not becoming a winner, you’ll find it almost impossible to win with others. But here’s the good news: your desire and attempts to win with others help to make you a winner.
It’s what American essayist Charles Warner was getting at when he said,
“No one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”
How To Be A Winner
Everyone has little anxieties and insecurities. If I were to ask you to describe a winning person, a person who is whole and healthy, you might say something about this person being confident, warm, kind, stable, giving, and so on. And you’d be right, in a sense.
But there’s more to becoming a winner than having a list of enviable attributes. Being a winner comes down to one thing: your value.
“There’s a period of life when we swallow a knowledge of ourselves, and it becomes either good or sour inside.” said Perl Bailey
Winners are Valuable.
Ask any star athlete or gold medalist who has just signed a multimillion dollar endorsement deal. But truth be told, being a winner, in the purest sense of the world, has nothing to do with your performance, your salary, or your earning potential.
It has to do with your value and whether or not you have owned it. When you embrace your own personal value, when you are secure in who you are, then you have become a winner.
Here are four ways of doing just that:
1) Recognize Your Value
Many times in our lives we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make or the circumstances that come our way. We may feel as though we are worthless, insignificant in our own eyes and in the eyes of others.
But no matter what has happened or what will happen, we never lose our value as human beings. Nothing can take that way. Never forget that.
2) Accept Your Value
How many times have you heard people say, “He has issues”? What they mean is that the person is stuck. The person is not healthy. He’s got a hang-up. It’s what psychologists are getting at when they talk about self-acceptance.
Let’s face it. All of us walking around on this planet have insecurities and issues that we wish we could change about ourselves. But certain things we can’t. Some things about us just are. Maybe you weren’t born with the kind of looks you would like.
Your genes dealt you a hand that you’ve eventually got to accept—either that or you reject your personal value and spend your days trying to compensate for your insecurities. You become hung up, stuck on not being dealt a better hand.
In other words, inherent in the process of accepting others is the act of self-acceptance. I’ll say it again: you will never win with people until you become a winner.
3) Increase Your Value
Perhaps you already recognize and accept your value. If so… Congratulations! The next step is to increase your value to others by solving as many of your problems as you can.
In other words, you need to maximize who you are by overcoming or fixing those things that are within your power to change.
You may struggle with a hair-trigger temper, for example. Maybe you have difficulty setting boundaries or taking responsibility. Maybe you have some bad habits, or perhaps your attitude needs an overhaul. All of us have hurdles we can overcome.
Forty-five percent of Americans report that they would change a bad habit if they could. The truth is, they can change. Each of us can improve ourselves whenever we decide to.
4) Believe in Your Value
Once you’ve recognized your value, accepted it, and increased it, you’ve eventually got to believe it. You’ve got to believe it with such conviction that you’d be willing to bank on it.
If you don’t believe that you have something of great value to offer another person—namely yourself—you’ll never truly win with people. Who you are is the greatest asset you’ll ever possess.
And as long as you recognize this valuable asset, accept it, increase it, and believe it with deep conviction, the ways of winning with people can become a part of your character. And when they come from the heart, they work like a charm.
Apply the teachings to your own life.
Forget about: Whatever makes you feel insecure.
Ask: How can I increase my value in order to benefit others, rather than myself?
Do it: List the things you can improve about yourself (bad habits to break, etc.), along with specific steps to take to make the improvements.
Remember: Your relationships can only be as healthy as you are.